Here we go…

My husband has cancer.

I said this the second time he was in the hospital getting tested from head to toe. I wanted to own it before IT owned me. Funny-we still don’t have a firm diagnosis. Like everything these past two months, it’s still up in the air.

What is the “diagnosis”?

He has Mesothelioma. He might have Pseudomyxoma Perotonei as well. The surgeon won’t know this until he goes in. If this is two cancers, he will be able to do the surgery and give him hot chemotherapy (HIPEC). If it’s not both, he will most likely not do anything, sew him up and give him regular chemotherapy. Dr. G. is confident he can do the surgery.

Everything is happening so quickly. His body is so weak but has gone through so much, I am amazed at how strong he is.

This all started last Spring when he came home from his annual physical. John was upset he had hypertension. The doctor prescribed him blood pressure meds  but he wanted to lower it naturally. At the time, he weighed 180. He was eating healthy and walking every night. 3 years prior, he was 195 because he never exercised. He started walking when I was pregnant with our second child and he loved it.  A few days later, after cartoons, he saw an infomercial for getting healthy and losing weight. The woman on TV said to cut out seven foods for a “better you”. Instantly, he did. What he didn’t hear was he had to put those foods back into his diet. He didn’t. For a year it was watching him eat fruits and vegetables and not much else. He lost 30 pounds quickly. His high blood pressure was gone. By February, his skin was yellow and he just didn’t look right. March, he developed a cough and went to  the doctor for it, who said it was seasonal allergies. He also had night sweats. A few months later, he had another physical where he weighed in at 141. John told me the doctor would worry about his weight when he was in the 130s. I couldn’t believe this and there he was, eating carrots and grapes as usual. I emailed his sister in June about my concern and she said that his weight was in normal range of a man standing 5’9″. I was dismissed. I let it go.

In late July, we went to a beach in Maine. It was hard to watch him sitting on a towel, wearing a long sleeve shirt and pants while everyone was in bathing suits enjoying the sun. I watched him as he barely could look up. His skin was now grey as well as yellow. A week later, his sisters took our oldest to the beach and I was so glad because the next day he was in the ER and admitted for 6 days.

Please understand that I did send him to the doctor with lists of symptoms. I would tell him to eat, that he didn’t look well and that I was worried. He would tell me he never felt better. Nothing was wrong…

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