Hello? is there anyone out there?

Anyone?
Is there a woman out there who’s husband has cancer?
Is there a woman out there with two small kids?

Is there a woman out there who is struggling to keep it all together, who suddenly lives moment to moment and glimpses of growing old with her husband is fading?

Is there a woman out there that holds her oldest child who can’t stop crying and you don’t stop it because you are crying too? You try to soothe your child but how can you when you don’t have the words?

Is there a woman out there who is so tired and runs on automatic?

I want to have someone close by who is going through this so I can lean on this person and she can lean on me. I want to drink coffee with her and watch our kids play. I want to call her in my darkest time and cry and she won’t have to say anything because she knows-she did the same with me and I understood. I want to have someone close by who will drop everything to help me out and she knows I would do the same.

Loneliness is new to me. It’s very rare I get lonely. The first time I felt it after John was diagnosed, it paralyzed me and I couldn’t breathe for a few minutes and I had to sit down. It’s so raw.

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