John had a hard day today in terms of not eating. I don’t blame him. If I was told I couldn’t have chocolate or mochas, I would be in rough shape. What would you miss if you couldn’t eat? Yesterday he asked me to cook him something and today he tried to get his sister to give him something. He has a TPN bag for 20 hours a day. This bag is full of everything to make him stronger and he hears this. Hopefully, he will feel it in a few days.
He has changed a lot in two weeks. It’s shocking but then I see this…
Izzy loves to run up to our room after school. It’s their father/daughter time and I don’t ever interrupt. She will either help him go in or out of the chair, get him things or listen to the radio with him. Today, she sat next to him and rubbed his arm. The arms that held her as a baby. She doesn’t see how thin they have become. They are her father’s arms and they will always protect her.
When John enters a room that KitKat is in, she looks at him. Her eye contact is direct and full of love. She doesn’t see how sunken in his eyes are. Looking back is her father and his eyes are full of love too.
Last night, John put on a button down long sleeve shirt instead of his usual casual long sleeve shirt to keep warm and when Izzy saw him, she said “Oh Dada, you are so handsome”. She doesn’t see how much his face has changed. He is still her king.
After I tuck them in, they call for John to come and sit with them. Sometimes he can’t sit but he does stand by the door. They don’t see how big his stomach is because of the tumor. They see their father looking in on them and wishing them a good night’s sleep.
Izzy has to read for ten minutes or more every night as part of her homework and when John is home, I have her read to him to keep his mind going. She doesn’t think this though. They have always liked to read together. Izzy doesn’t notice John sleeping. She knows he is listening.
KitKat was playing with the towel after bath tonight. John was there. “Boo’ He said. “Who is that?” I asked. She took the towel off her head, squealed and said “He’s just Dada”.
Always girls. Always. No matter what is going on with his mind and body-he is always your Dada.