Hand in Hand

The night before John went to the hospital, I outlined his hand on paper. I did it three times. I plan to outline KitKat’s hand in one, the other with Izzy and one with all four of our hands. I will frame all of them and we will decide where we will hang them.

When the Newtown shooting happened, it really shook me up. I cried for those families everyday for 3 months, I did the 26 Acts of Kindness, I keep up with how they are doing by reading their blogs. Every morning since then, I make sure to hold Izzy’s hand as I tell her I love her, to have a good day and to be safe. I feel each finger, I feel her whole hand and study the bone structure. I squeeze it a bit and memorize it. I guess if anything like Newtown happens in her school, I will always have her hand in mine and no one will ever take that away from me.

Yesterday, I realized I have been doing this with John. I have always loved his hands. Always loved the way they feel. I study his skin. I study his fingers and like Izzy’s hand, I hold them to memorize the touch. How do I let go of the hands I held for 20 years?

Touch has always been important to me. I think it’s very healing. When I was a teacher, I would give each child in the classroom a hello hug and a good bye hug, I would rub backs or heads at nap time, I would pat heads for a job well done or wipe tears when a child was sad. We are so concerned over touching at schools and I understand.

John has been in the hospital since Thursday morning and I bathed him today. No one has touched him. No one has cleaned him. When did that stop? Are they afraid to touch him because he is all bones? When do we stop caring for each other? Why? What if this was a nurse or doctor’s relative? Would this be acceptable to them? I am so frustrated at how we are losing basic treatment of each other. We read and shake our heads over the treatment of others through our social media sites but what about when this is happening right in front of you?

Tonight he goes into hospice. He is wanting to go and has been waiting all day. He is done with the hospital and I don’t blame him. I hope this place good. I hope they make him comfortable. I hope they bathe him and offer more than what the hospital did. I hope he is at peace there.
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4 thoughts on “Hand in Hand”

  1. My thoughts and prayers are with you, John and the children. John is a special person. I worked with him at Bennett School and we all miss him very much.

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  2. Laura – just a quick note to let you know that you, John and the girls are always in our thoughts. John is an amazing man!!

    Bill Simpson (E.T.E.S.)

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  3. You are such a wonderful thoughtful wife and mother. John and the girls are so lucky to have you and you them. There are no words that I can SAY.. Please tell John I pray for him and you and the girls each night( and Day0.

    Judy Ogara

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  4. I also met John when I worked at Bennett. He was a truly caring man and spoke so highly of his family, he loved you and his daughters so much. He also loved his students as was evident in the way he looked when he taught them, they in turn loved him too. I so agree with your words about how little people are caring for each other today…Seems social media has taken the place of human contact and is turning people cold to the whole human experience, very sad. I’m so sorry for your loss and so happy for the precious time you and John had with each other. God bless. Kim

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