And the band plays on

We buried John today. Unfortunately, because everything happened so fast, his casket was still out and Izzy was beside herself with grief. My friend told me it was a good thing. She needed to see where John was, to fully process where John was going. She cried throughout the whole ceremony. I couldn’t comfort her physically and something couldn’t make me emotionally. I had to stay where I was. She wasn’t even in visual range and I couldn’t move. I think if I did go to her, I would have told everyone to leave us alone and let us process this WHOLE thing.

We didn’t have a normal funeral. We went against his family wishes but those weren’t our wishes and honestly, what his family wanted would not have been what he wanted. I hope they come to realize that soon. They were not involved in our family conversation about this. This burial was for us. This good bye was for us. Early in the morning, I asked my brother-in-law to lead a prayer to respect those who pray. I have a lot to say about this and maybe I will someday but I hope I did good by them by doing this for THEM.
John was in a Dixieland band and that was just a small part of who he was as a drummer but I loved following him around and listening to them when we were dating. His bandmates brought their instruments and played next to him. I couldn’t have asked for a better send off for my husband. The moment they played, I actually looked for him. The music was a little bit lonelier without him…and as the band played on, I really really really really really really missed him.

3 thoughts on “And the band plays on”

  1. Play Jolly Music At My Funeral
    by Richard Greene

    I’ve taken in recent years to thinking about my funeral and have decided to make one paramount request: play jolly music at that ritual.
    What good does it do to heap on dirges or other mournful melodies?
    I won’t be there to be gratified by the grieving and if I could tune in I’d be happier to see those present have some relief.
    Dixieland would be nice.
    Joplin would be fine.
    Something by Fats Waller would certainly do.
    Those early jazzmen knew what they were up to when they set about making funeral marches swing.
    So swing me away, please, with a rousing tune.

    You did so well by John, Laura. Today and in the very hard days leading up to today. Big hugs, and lots of love, to you and the girls.


  2. you don’t know me but I was john’s friend at Bennett….I loved him so.we both loved music and how I feel that I know you and the girls….I am so happy and my heart is full that you buried him as you both chose….the sweet music will always be with me……we at Bennett love you….there were lots of tears for our beloved Mr.Mcl…and the 4th graders burst into his favorite songs and I hear him snappin’ those fingers…all my love.lisa


  3. Saying good bye is very hard but knowing John and hearing his music keeps him with us. I promised John to save his room at ET. I could not let anyone in there because he is still here. We all loved him and we all know how much he loved you and his girls.


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