I am not a single mother

I am not divorced.

I am a widow.
I didn’t have my children by myself. They have a father.
I didn’t end my marriage by choice or force. I would still be married. I am married.
I am not a single mother. I am a widowed mother.
I want to relate to women who tell me of their experiences of being a single mother or divorced. I want to hear about how they made it having to support themselves and their children. I crave it and I need tips, advice and to know what to expect…but when I hear how much they hate the men who they once loved and had children with, I silently scream “STOP! I don’t know what you are talking about. STOP! Those children still have their father! STOP! You get to have time alone while your children are with their father! STOP! Those children can create new routines with both parents. STOP! Your daughters get to walk down the aisle with their father. My daughters have to rearrange their whole wedding, which will never ever ever be a normal wedding for them. STOP! Their high school and college graduation pictures will be missing that one parent. STOP! Don’t you know how lucky your children are?! STOP! Your children didn’t see their father dying of cancer! Stop hating your children’s father for your children’s sake. STOP! Please. Stop.”

One thought on “I am not a single mother”

  1. Laura,
    Fabulous writing and gut retching advice. Please keep trying to get into Jeff’s Place Bereavement Center so that you can meet other widowed women and hear their stories and your children will meet kids who have also lost a parent and they (and you) will not feel so isolated in your grief.


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