Where IS Dada?

KitKat wants to know. She knows his body stopped working and is in the ground but she wants to know why she can’t see him. She wants to know where he is and she wants to know what will happen to her and if we will see her when she dies. I know this is age appropriate thinking and she is grasping this concept of death and dying as a final cycle of life but she doesn’t want to “disappear” like John.

So how do I explain it? Do I give her options? That there is a heaven? That he is just in the ground? That he is an energy now that we sometimes feel? That he is a twinkle in the stars, the wind we can’t see, the foam in the ocean? I will ask them soon what they think. I would love to hear their answers.
I really wish we believed in Heaven and angels because that seems so simple. “He is an angel in Heaven” The End.
On her birthday, after we sang to her, she started to cry saying she wanted to live until she was 1000. Saying it over and over. Crying harder and harder each time.
We went to his grave today and she sat next to me. She asked me where his head was, then his feet, then his stomach. I tried to imagine John lying under there and pointed to where I thought his body was. When KitKat asked where his hands were, I pointed and she put her hand in the spot and held it there for awhile.
Her pain-her thoughts-her grief-sometimes it’s all just too much and I don’t know if I am reaching her the right way.
To say she and Izzy miss John is an understatement.

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