You’re beautiful

  KitKat and I were in the car today when Izzy was at a birthday party. We were singing to a song on the radio and out of nowhere, her lips turn dangerously low and her eyes got wide. “Why can’t I tell Dada I am in kindergarten? Doesn’t he know? I can’t talk to him about it.”

I turned off the radio and didn’t know what to say or do. There were no tears and I wish there were. What do you call that? What do you call that pain? So much grief in her eyes and voice.

“Sometimes you and Izzy hear me talk to Dada. I talk to him everyday. It makes me feel good. I know I won’t hear his voice answer me back but it’s something I do. If you want to, you can talk to him and if you don’t, then that is ok too. He knew you were going to kindergarten. He knew last year when he was alive and he was just so proud of you. He loves you.”

“I want to sing to Dada. Turn the radio on again.”

Lately, she has been singing James Blunt “You’re Beautiful” (how she knows this song, I don’t know) but she has been singing it “I’m Beautiful” I think John would have laughed at that and then encouraged her to sing it that way…then that song came on the radio a few minutes later and she sang it loud and proud and with a smile “I’m beautiful! I’m beautiful! I’m beautiful it’s true!!!”.

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